Good parenting advice for first time parents

Good parenting advice for first time parents Being or becoming a parent is one of the most challenging, yet most natural things people may face during their life. A first-time parent may feel overwhelmed by the situation, therefore it is important to learn from other parents and research carried out in this area. This essay will look at some of the most important pieces of advice that a good parent can have, which will hopefully lead to a good parenting. First it will outline more about what it means to be a parent. Secondly it will specify different theories of child development. Then it will look at attachment and the Internal working Model and why secure attachment is important in early childhood. And finally it will look at first relationships and how infants experience distress. A parent is someone who has a responsibility to raise and guide a person from child, to adolescent, all their way up until their offspring is an adult. Parents are important, because they are the main example for their child on how to interact with the world and how they should lead their life. A parent is a bit like a rules book or instruction manual, on how to live life, for a child. Good parenting is difficult to define, as one definition does not fit all, however it refers to finding a good balance within all aspects of how to be a good parent. Many successful people are often heard praising their parents and upbringing for their success; this could be due to a result of good parenting. If there is good, there must be bad parenting. Many criminals state that abusive or poor parenting is a cause for their behaviour. It is also important to realize that parenting has changed over the last 50 years, and that the term and expectations of a parent differs not only over time, but also culturally and socially, therefore what one can see as good parenting, can other dissaproof. (Oates, Lewis and Lamb, 2005) There are different theories of child development, and each of them focuses on different aspects of development. Psychoanalytic theorys central stage is to put importance to early period of childhood, as that influence the development of adult personality. Freud stressed the importance of childhood events and experience. He saw child development as series of psychosexual stages, where each stage played a role in adult personality. (Oates, 2005) Another theory is cognitive theory, which argues that development of interactions from birth leads to the emergence of language. Piaget saw children think differently from adults, and as a first person, he saw children play an active role in gaining knowledge of the world. Behavioural theory looks at how environmental interaction influences behaviour; development is shaped by reaction to rewards, punishments, stimuli or reinforcement. Theory which looks at early relationships is Social theory, where Bowlby (1988) argues that early relationship s with caregivers play a major role in child development and continue to influence social relationships throughout life. The way in which newborns create new attachments and form their first relationships is very important. This is because these attachments and relationships could potentially provide the blue print for that person for the rest of their lives. Therefore an important bit of advice would be to provide lots of healthy attachments for babies early on in their lives. An attachment is something that we have a close bond to or a special relationship with. This can be with an object or a person. Bowbly (1988) believed that attachment is vital to make healthy attachments, not only one, but a variety, as this could lead to a more developed Internal working model (IWM). An IWM is made up of three parts; the model of self, model of the other and the relationship between these. The first experiences which babies have build their IWM, and this is what they use to approach new ideas and situations with. Therefore this model helps them to use this prior knowledge of attachments when they are in new sit uations with a different objects or people. A healthy attachment is a long-term, stable relationship between a child and an object or person, in this situation a parent. It is important for the child to make strong healthy attachments with not only parents, but also with other people, such as their grandparents or caregivers. The more relationships the baby has, the better outcome for the childs IWM, it also leads to healthy emotional development. Ainsworths Strange Situation (1978) experiment created four types of attachment, that a childs IWM can take. The four types are insecure-avoidant (Type A), securely attached (Type B), insecure-resistant/ambivalent (Type C) or disorientated/disorganized (Type D). The Strange Situation experiment examines attachments and its developmental consequences. The experiment looks at the behaviours and actions of a child, when they have been separated from their parent and then when reunited. Ainsworth noticed that it was when the child and the parent were reunited, that a childs type was most evident. Mothers of secure infants respond to all of their childs emotions, therefore the infants learn that all emotions are valid in relationship. When reunited the child found easy to be comforted by its mother. The avoidant infants show only few emotions, which are mostly negative. The mothers are unresponsive to most of the emotions, especially the negative ones. Therefore these infants learn to hid e their emotions. At the reunion, these children avoid interaction with their parents. Mothers, who respond only to distress responds of their infants, tend to have ambivalent infants. These infants learn that negative emotions get the attention of their mother and that these emotions are the valid ones in the relationship. These child children will seek contact and interaction at the reunion, but when it is offered, they reject it. These results showed that important factor of developing infants different types of IWM can be influenced by their mothers sensitivity to their infants emotional communications and emotions. (Ainsworth, 1969) Child with secure attachment feels worthy of his parents attention and love, and can gain comfort from this feeling when they are separated, and has confidence that his parent will return. According to Meins et al. (2001), parents, who treat their infants as persons with their own feelings and thoughts, contribute to their secure attachment. Bowlby (1988) argues that is important to have secure attachment, because these children might approach a relationship with more confidence than someone who has insecure attachment. The attachment theory puts forward that an infant who has a secure attachment with one or both parents will be able to use them as a secure base in which to explore their environment. This is because their IWM represent that of their parent figures. An example of importance of secure attachment and how IWM works can be seen in the programme by Dr Acquarone (2006). Marni had problem with her sleeping habits, she woke up through the night and needed her mother to comfort her. She had formed an attachment to her mother, as she feels secure with her, but as Dr Acquarone suggested, Marni has not formed a sufficiently stable internal working model for her to use as a source of comfort when her mother is not available. Therefore Marni needs to find and develop an attachment to a substitute transactional object, which will help her in this situation. It is important to remember that the baby is also a person, how a parent relates to the child in the early life will have a direct influence on its future. Throughout our lives we have many relationships. As people are predominately social, it is important that they learn how to make good strong relationships. It is important to make relationships not only for our physical needs, but also for our psychological development. Humans first relationship is very important. Winnicott (1964) stated that there is no such thing as a baby if you set out to describe a baby; you will find that you are describing a baby and someone. A baby cannot exist alone, but is essentially part of a relationship. (Winnicott, 1964, p.88) The caregivers are providing the physical needs for the baby; such as food, warmth and support, furthermore they are providing the opportunity for the baby to form a relationship with them. As part of a good relationship, it is important that an infants and an adults social in teractions fit well together, this is known as meshing. Oates (2005) assumed that meshed interactions between mother and infant can give the infant the unique experience of taking part in a dialogue, which also provides the experience of relatedness. Therefore mashing is very important, because interacting with infants provides an opportunity for the infant to recognize what his/her behaviour means, and how others respond to it. However, infants are very sensitive to their mothers responsiveness, as can be seen from Murray and Trevarthen (1985) study. Infants who were interacting with their mothers through a video link, where the live link was replaced by a delay or replay of the recording, made the infants distressed, as the mother was not corresponding to the infants needs properly. Shuttleworth (1989) assumed that distress is a crucial experience in infancy, which should not be avoided as it creates intimate contact between mother and baby. Each parent deals differently with distressed baby. Winnicott (1965) stated that it is very important for mother to be emotionally available to her infant to build up a system of two-way communication. He also believed that infant should be allowed to experience tolerable frustration as this leads to a healthy development of independence and sense of self. Therefore he challenged the term good mother, as he sees good mother as someone who allows just the right amount of delay in meeting the infants needs. Studies were done on what is the best to do with distressed babies. For example Ainsworth and Bell (1970) found that babies, whose crying was ignored early, were later crying more frequently than babies whose mothers responded quickly to their babies needs. These findings agree with attachment theory, where the idea is that mother respond immediately to her babys needs. However not all studies have same results. Some suggests that baby cries more frequently if the mother responds too often, this agrees with Social learning theory. In the study of Clarke-Steward (1973) on 11, 14 and 17 months old babies was found that mothers who respond promptly to distress infants were among the least fretful. However, when the results were examined separately in gender, the girls were the most and the least fretful even their mothers were very responsive to their signals of distress. This results support the predictions of both social-learning theorists and attachment theorists, which examples were mentioned above. Being a first-time parent can be a very challenging and difficult period in a persons life. Therefore it is vital that help is at hand. This has lead too many theories on child development. Parenting style is an important factor, and each parent must do what they feel is best for their child. This essay has identified some theories and examined research that explores attachments and relationships. It suggested that communication is very important between the mother and her infant, and that communication and attachment has an influence of the emotional development of the child. These would be important bits of information to pass on, because looking at these theories puts being a first-time parent into perspective. They demonstrate how the actions of the parent will have an effect on the baby possibly for the rest of his life. Primary relationships and attachments create the life blue-print for that baby. Obviously mistakes happen and parent cannot be a perfect all the time. So along with the advice in any parent help book or any research carried out, it is important for the parent to just do their best no matter what happens. Word count: 1981

Power and Authority that affects English Language Essay

All languages change over time, and vary from place to place. In my opinion, English language is the most influenced by the change. I must say lots of factors affect language. It may be because of political or social pressures, such us invasions, imigration and colonisation. It may also change because of latest inventions, such as transport, domestic appliances and industrial equipment, or new sports and entertainment, because they also need new vocabluary. But, language can change by less obvious things. Language changes whenever speakers come into a communication with each other. Every person speaks differently from others, everybody has there own ‘idiolect’. There are no people who speak identically: people from different geographical places clearly speak differently, but even within the same small community there are variations according to a speaker’s age, gender, ethnicity and social and educational background. English language was changing from the days of Roman empire. Then anglo-saxon invasions also affected it bringing every day life words like: woman, house, loaf, then Christian missionary came in, bringing latin language and using some of its words. After that, Vikings came along bringing thousands of new words. Inavasion of William the Conqueror in 1066 brought many new words to English language from French. The 100 year war against France that happened after, also changed English language a lot. As we all know William Shakspeare about 2000 words and phrases. Shakespeare showed the world that English language was a rich and beautiful language, with limitless expressions and emotional power. It was a huge affect on English language was when in 1611 King James made a new translation of Bible so everybody will read and understand it. In 1660’s there were a lot of scientists in England and it brought a whole new words to the language. The English people started to explore the world and travel, where they found new words. Then british went to America and invented new words for new animals and things they found there. Then the new technologies took place. New inventions like radio, television, fridge needed new vocabluary. Speaking of a technology, their role in our lives is astonishing. Its effect on the way we communicate has changed the English language forever. The way we speak today is really different from the way we spoke before the internet became so widely used. Phone calls, to my mind, changed little: we still use the same methods to  greet and say good bye, for example. What is deffinitely different, however, is the way we write today. That is the area where technology has had a HUGE impact. It brought with it a whole new etiquette, as well as new conventions and new abbreviations, such as IMO (in my opinion) and FYI (for your information). And it introduced the idea that WORDS IN UPPER CASE MEAN WE ARE SHOUTING, while lower case writing is the accepted form. Mobile phones has had a much bigger impact. The way we write our text messages is now so widely accepted that it has become a mainstream: OMG (oh my God), idk (I don’t know), Ikr (I know right), and etc. And then we have the sudden rise of blogging. There are now millions of blogs worldwide. Add to that the even-more-baffling growth of the key social networking websites – Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook. So, to sum up: email + texting + blogging + social networking sites = people writing more how they speak and less like they used to write. Writing correctly still happens when it is either for your Boss, parent or a teacher. After people started using Television almost everywhere, language started changing depending on what TV shows are you watching or what channels are you watching. It might be a BBC News or Royal Family News where they all speak RP(recieved pronuanciation) to be more clear to people or it might be for example a cooking programme when people start using cookers terminology. Inventions like radio and iPod also made music more available to everybody. So the type of music you listen will affect on how your language will change. Popular singers are icons mostly for younger generation, so they have the authority to change language. New technologies made it more easier to communicate with outside world: trains, plains, ships made it much easier to travel and communicate with a wide range of different people, which obviously has a different idiolects and diolects. Also our language changes depending on to whom, where and why we speak. Through our interactions with these different speakers, we encounter new words, expressions and pronunciations and integrate them into our own speech. For example when you speak to your parents, your speach is more  formal and correct. But it is much different when you speak to your friends or peers. Your speach and words are more informal and pronouncation of words is different. The type of school we’ve studied in, also affects our language. In private shools, because children are from higher social classes and their background is more wealthy, they speak more posh and ‘correct’. When people from public schools speak more ‘chavy’ and use more slang. Also your ethnicity and the area you live or lived in: urban or city area, has really big affect on our dialect. Ethnicity affects because your dialect changes depending on who your ancestors were and what is your actual language. For example if you are french you have a specific accent and dialect. Also if you live in a city the way you speak is different than if you were from an urban area. Because in city there are much more people more influences, tourists bring different words and traditions, fast pace of life, they have own technical or city jargon, when in rural areas they a kind of country language, things take long time to change. This affects language change. The job or your interests change dialect, the words you use and how you say them. Because different jobs use different terminology and some people may use them in their everyday lifes and create a kind of new slang. Scoial class plays a big role aswell. The higher the person is on the social ladder, the more educated that person is likely to be. With a better education, a person will likely speak more properly. His or her sentences will be well formulated and slang will be at a minimum. The lower person is on a social ladder, the less educated a person is likely to be. And with less education, a person will likely speak with a looser form of a language. But it doesn’t happen always, people can be different. All of this things change our language. Language always changes and Every successive generation makes its own small contribution to language change and when sufficient time has elapsed the impact of these changes becomes more obvious. But will the same things change our language in future, and how fast it will change. Will language be completely different from the one we speak today, or will it change a little. We don’t know what people in future will think how is correct to say and write. Language is the most unpredictable and rapidly changing thing and the way it changes depends on us.

Dover Bitch vs Dover Beach Essay

What is love? This is a question that is often discussed and argued about. Everyone seems to have a different perception on what love truly is. These perceptions help categorize what type of person you are when it comes towards love. This can range from being a hopeless romantic to a person who doesn’t even believe that love exists. A perfect example of how the views of love can be drastically different can be illustrated by these two poems; â€Å"Dover Beach† and â€Å"Dover Bitch†. â€Å"Dover Beach†, was written by Matthew Arnold in the 19th century. The love Arnold speaks of in his poem is a deep love that is indestructible. â€Å"Dover Bitch† was written by Anthony Hecht, in response to â€Å"Dover Beach† and refers to love as being a joke and nonexistent. Arnold can be portrayed as being a hopeless romantic while Hecht is skeptical and a cynic when it comes to love. There are many factors which influence the authors’ literary works including: the time period, the object of love in their poem and their overall view of the world. These components as well as the tones of the of the poems help convey the author’s view point on love and its place in society. Matthew Arnold’s legendary poem â€Å"Dover Beach† encapsulated the era that the poem was written in. He wrote this poem during the 19th century while he was honeymooning with his wife. Rumor has it that the newlyweds were honeymooning at Dover Beach but no one can be certain. In order to get a better grasp on what the text of the poem is referring to we must know what’s going on during the time period. When â€Å"Dover Beach† was written there was large transformation in how people thought and what knowledge was deemed acceptable. English society was changing from a primarily religious based society with high religious morals and standings into one that praised and honored the work of science. It was the dawn of the scientific and industrial revolution. With any major change there seems to always be benefits and side effects. Arnold’s poem addresses many of the side effects during this wave of change. Matthew Arnold’s primary point of concern has to do with the fact that people have lost their faith and are sacrificing their true feelings for knowledge. The Sea of Faith/was once, too, at the full, and round earth’s shore/ But now I only hear/its melancholy, long, withdrawing roar (lines 21-25)†. These are a couple of lines from â€Å"Dover Beach†; they help illustrate how people on Earth have lost their faith and how the world is being affected by it. The Sea of Faith refers to how everything used to be. People were full of faith and were attached to their emotions, but now that faith no longer remains all Arnold can here is a roar of sadness which is sweeping across the land. Anthony Hecht wrote â€Å"Dover Bitch† in response to the â€Å"Dover Beach† poem by Matthew Arnold. Although the poems were written only a century apart, views on love and life were immensely different. During the 20th century when Hecht wrote the â€Å"Dover Bitch† poem the world as Arnold once knew it no longer existed. Religion played a very minuscule role in society and it was the start of a sexual revolution. Sleeping with multiple people was not frowned upon anymore and the quest to be with one person for the rest of your life was thought to be ridiculous and was extremely uncommon. There was a mindset that there is no such thing as a â€Å"one true love†. Relationships were really just affairs and flings since there was a lack of emotional attachment. Hecht even pushes it as far to imply that what we believe to be love is actually lust and personal quest for pleasure. In a way Matthew Arnold foresaw what the world and what love would become if people were detached from their emotions. The world that he foresaw is the world in which Hecht inhabits; this world has caused Hecht to believe that love does not even exist. Both of the time periods in which â€Å"Dover Beach† and â€Å"Dover Bitch† were written help play a significant role in how the author views love. It is within this environment that they are able to perceive and formulate their opinions on love and whether or not it is present in their society. â€Å"Dover Beach† and â€Å"Dover Bitch† are both poems that describe â€Å"love†. However the objects to which the poem is directed are extremely different. The chosen object of the poem also corresponds to the time period in which these poems were written. Arnold’s poem as stated before speaks of a deep love, one that is forever constant. His poem is said to have been written for his wife, which would make sense since they were honeymooning together when it was written. Ah, love, let us be true/to one another (lines 30-31)†. In the poem Arnold is demanding that the love they have together should be pure and well intentioned. He believes that love exists and what he is experiencing is love and that this love can overpower any obstacle. By reading this poem it can be inferred that Arnold is in love with just one person and that he wants to spend eternity with them. In a way Arnold’s poetry is describing a â€Å"one true love†. The idea of a one true love is distinct to the time period in which Arnold lived. The tone used in â€Å"Dover Beach† is very melancholy and lamented. These two descriptive words of the tone are generally perceived as being negative, but in this instance Arnold is melancholic and lamented because he wants his love to last. So although after reading the poem the reader might perhaps almost feel dreary they are given a contrasting feeling of hope. In â€Å"Dover Bitch† however the object that Hecht speaks of is a casual fling. This makes the whole poem impersonal and is a blasphemy in the face of love. Hecht’s poem makes a complete mockery of Arnold’s poem. His word choice, tone and his nonchalant attitude devoted to the object support the fact that he does not believe love exists. There is an underlying theme built into his poem that love is not real and what the â€Å"lover† is pursuing is in fact lust and personal pleasure. This pleasure is purely physical and has nothing to do with the individuals emotions. An example of this is when the thoughts of the object used in â€Å"Dover Bitch† are revealed. â€Å"But all the time he was talking she had in mind/The notion of what the whiskers would feel like/on the back of her neck (lines 9-11)†. The object is thinking purely of partaking in pleasurable activities such as sex while the man in the poem is â€Å"declaring† his love for her. Obviously this is not an example of true love; this certainly doesn’t seem like love at all. In â€Å"Dover Beach† Arnold dedicates and pours his heart to a single person which makes the poem more intimate. Hecht however leads you to believe that there is more than one woman in his life and yet he is still unsatisfied. â€Å"She’s really alright. I still see her once in awhile/and she always treats me right. We have a drink/ and I give her a good time, and perhaps it’s a year/before I see her again (lines 25-26). The casual tone the author uses allows the reader to infer that the object of the poem is truly insignificant and holds no value to her so called â€Å"lover†. If you have ever witnessed someone who is in love going a few days without their significant other is hard but a year would be a living hell for them. This does not seem to bother the â€Å"lover† in Hecht’s poem at all. Basically by reading this poem you are allowed to make the assumption that people confuse lust for love. Hecht’s skepticism towards love is very apparent upon reading â€Å"Dover Bitch†. This skepticism of love is most likely due to the time period in which the poem was written. If most of society is partaking in affairs and are having multiple partners the idea of love might sound a little ridiculous. The words â€Å"I love you† wouldn’t take on any meaning after awhile and all hope for love might be lost. This is the attitude that I think the Anthony Hecht obtained and it was with this mindset he responded to Matthew Arnold’s â€Å"Dover Beach†. The last major difference between these two authors and their poems is their outlook on life and where they feel love’s place is in society. Matthew Arnold has a very optimistic outlook on life and feels that love always and needs to have a place in society. Arnold states in his poem that the world around him has been corrupted and is filled with illusions; love can exist in this environment and be a glimmer of hope to all. This corruption is probably referencing the loss of faith in religion and even though that has been disturbed the love that people have does not have to be extinguished. Being a hopeless romantic Arnold makes it seem that a world without love would be terrible and catastrophic. Hecht however has a cynical outlook on life and feels that love does not even exist in our society. To him love can’t exist in a world like the one we inhabit. In a world full of corruption how can something as pure as love exist? It is safe to say that Hecht never believed in the â€Å"one true love† theory and instead this theory was replaced with one night stands and sexual affairs. This is why I feel that Hecht as a negative connotation of love and is skeptical of its existence. The overall attitudes towards life reflect how they embrace and except love. Leaving us with a hopeless romantic and a cynic. Although there are a lot of differences between â€Å"Dover Beach† and â€Å"Dover Bitch† they do in fact have some similarities. Both of these poems reflect the viewpoints their author has on life and love. They both encapsulate the time periods in which they were written and show how love was represented in society. The tone of the two poems also plays a key role in deciphering the author’s true feelings towards love.

Reading Reflection - 1647 Words

From taking Critical Thinking and Reading, I have learned more from this class in fifteen weeks than I ever have in the past thirteen years. I’ve read articles and novels that have broadened my horizon about how things are different than what someone may be used to. I learned how life experiences can shape your future and the choices you make. Not only did I learn things through the books and articles we have read, but also from my professor and his own life experiences that he was brave enough to share with the class. I have never had a teacher who wanted to share knowledge as much as O’Hara does, and for that I am extremely grateful that I was able to learn so much from someone who cares so much about his job and his students. I am†¦show more content†¦I had known about other cultures, most commonly Asian ones, eating dog, but I had never really understood why. Growing up in a country where dogs are solely our friends and would never be considered as a meal, I was not able to figure out why anyone would want to eat them, but now I realize that some places around the world are not as privileged as countries like the United States and because of that, dog is the some of the best meat they can get. If a country like Nigeria can only really get access to dog as their main, or one of their main, source(s) of protein, then to Nigerians, eating dogs is not considered â€Å"weird† or â€Å"disgusting,† but normal. We, in the United States, do not need to be concerned about eating our pets because of how privileged we are. The privilege I have because of where I live is something I never really thought about. Now that I have a different interpretation of information, I have learned that just because I am not used to something, that does not mean it is weird, just that it is not what I am familiar with. Mike Fillon’s article, â€Å"The Real Face of Jesus† is another article that was very substantial for me. Growing up Catholic, I had the assumption that Jesus was a tall, muscular, white man. Realistically, he was a short, dark-skinned man. This paradigm was painted into my mind becauseShow MoreRelatedReflection on Reading1732 Words   |  7 PagesLearning to read can be a very daunting task for a youngster. Therefore, as a teacher, it is your job to facilitate positive reading strategies from the start. Looking back at my experiences as an early reader, I can gain some insight as to what might help or hinder my future students. I believe that one of the most important things you can do for your child is to start reading to them at an early age. Before I even became a school aged child my mother would sit on the couch with my brother and IRead MoreReflection About Reading And Reflection1090 Words   |  5 Pageseyes and felt annoyed. 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Every week I had to read a certain amount of hours. I however, never read the amount of hours I was supposed to. I would just fill out the log and tell my mom to sign it. At that time it sounded like a good idea, but then came freshman year. Mrs. Daugherty changed my whole perspective on reading and how important it is to read. In elementary school, reading never came easy to me. My mom would always say